September 26, 2007
Clearly Now…
As the fog lifts, I’m amazed at what I’ve missed. Even with my self-described harmless evening drinking ritual (that hadn’t yet resulted in DUIs, lost jobs, children, or marriages) I was checked out every day between about 5pm (ok 4pm) and 9 or 10pm. I was coping, so I thought.. I was relaxing, doing something for myself, giving myself a reward for all the day’s hard work. And who would have argued with that? Three kids under 6, two jobs, life as an angsty cheerleader. I deserved those drinks.
What I hadn’t realized is that I (and so many like me) deserve so much more than a zombified state at the end of a long day… that to be checked out is a very poor substitute for truly replenishing soul-feeding activities (time with real live girlfriends, reading, warm sweet-scented baths).
There’s a long way to go… a daily struggle to avoid that first drink to oblivion, but I’m seeing things I haven’t seen in awhile. Colors, textures, multi-dimensional aspects to each day that are exultant and joyous (and of course also heartbreaking and sorrowful). The world is bigger, deeper, wider, than I’d let myself see for so long.
And it’s good. Today it’s good.
#9
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Over at Babble today I’ve weighed in on the Great FlickR/Babble Fiasco of 2007…
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You are doing a good thing here. You know that, of course, but I thought a reminder from a grrrlfriend wouldn’t hurt. Keep on keeping on.
September 26th, 2007 at 3:08 pmBossy quit her nightly wine ritual for over a month and found that she was still falling asleep in her mashed potatoes and kind of crabby at the end of a long day. She was relieved that those things weren’t due to her alcohol addiction, until her brother said, “So now you’re all happy to know that’s your normal state?”
September 26th, 2007 at 3:08 pmI’ve quit too. Will blog it later and linky back to ya – but my reasons are different than yours I think.
September 26th, 2007 at 7:08 pmYou’re an amazing woman.
September 26th, 2007 at 7:47 pm[...] of you who are already at this point in your lives, and I’m anxious to join you, I suspect I’m not alone in this journey and hope that those who know they need to, will Stop the Abuse: of [...]
September 26th, 2007 at 8:02 pm[...] of you who are already at this point in your lives, and I’m anxious to join you, I suspect I’m not alone in this journey and hope that those who know they need to, will Stop the Abuse: of [...]
September 26th, 2007 at 8:17 pmI read your earlier post and wow! Getting to this point must have been difficult. All too often I know it’s far easier to just keep maintaining than to really look at problems and face them. Good for you. You’re very brave.
September 27th, 2007 at 3:38 pmI’m glad it’s been a good day and you’re wise enough to embrace it, chronicle it and keep it as your own no matter what tomorrow might bring. Awesome.
September 27th, 2007 at 6:15 pmThey say “One day at a time” for a very good reason, I think.
Don’t be hard on yourself for where you’ve been or how or why you got there. Instead, celebrate where you are now, today. Which is perfect. You’re doing wonderfully.
September 27th, 2007 at 6:54 pmOne day at a time; you’re doing well.
September 30th, 2007 at 4:32 pm[...] The novocain is wearing off now. I’m girding myself with new people and meetings and new rituals. I’m starting over, every day… Hoping to replace oblivion with real loving (self) kindness. [...]
October 12th, 2007 at 12:03 pm