November 17, 2007
Custodial Parent
I share joint custody of the twins with their father and his lovely wife. Ours is not a particularly unusual arrangement these days. Though B and I have the twins most of the time (they go to their dad’s every other weekend), it’s a little like having a back-up team. When our team flags, they come in for relief and advice and perspective. We all share love and concern for the twins and as a group make quite a successful parental pod. I won’t deny that having a grillion parents and grandparents and two homes must at times get confusing for the twins, and the long-term impacts of this arrangement have yet to be seen. But even with that, I’m convinced the girls are lucky because they have so many people (legions!) who love and cherish them.
When I married B 3 1/2 years ago, I longed for a happy ending. A safe and loving home for my daughters and myself. I was partly making up for what I saw then as their deficient life — one with a single mama and a single (at the time) daddy, who were still angry at each other and unable to put them first. I was searching for a port in the storm and I found one. For awhile.
My mistakes this go-round have been many and grave. The biggest one being not recognizing that my neglect and abuse of the marriage would ultimately doom it to rocky shoals.
This doesn’t justify the manner in which the twins have become recipients of marital frustration. Not. One. Bit. Children are innocent and need protection, care, and love, regardless of how low down and struggling we feel.
I will pay, have paid, for my mistakes…but not today.
Today I have a reprieve and am feeling serenity and gratitude my daughters and I have a loving extended family, a home, a port in the storm no matter what happens.
It comes with us now, wherever we go.
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You know I’m thinking of you and pulling for your and all your family, especially the girls.
xo
November 17th, 2007 at 4:08 pmThinking of you and your girls.
November 17th, 2007 at 9:35 pmMay it all unfold as it should for you and the wee ones.
You’re in my thoughts.
Stay strong.
November 17th, 2007 at 9:44 pmYou’re in my thoughts and prayers; so sorry. I’m glad you have family to lean on…
November 17th, 2007 at 11:29 pmGot your back friend. Here for you whenever you need it.
November 17th, 2007 at 11:56 pmSo happy you’ve found shelter from the storm.
May your honesty and bravery be the anchors that hold you there.
November 19th, 2007 at 6:14 amBig sloppy hug and kiss from Bossy.
November 19th, 2007 at 3:59 pmI’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who has this arrangemet. I’m also glad that someone else has fears about the long term affects of it.
November 19th, 2007 at 4:56 pmYou know darlin that I support you and am here for you! I am going through a horrible divorce right now…and my soon to be ex is not giving one thought to our kids and how this is effecting them. It makes me want to hurt him…A LOT!!!! But we will get through this…and I just hold them tighter. HOLD THEM honey…it will do you all some good.
November 19th, 2007 at 5:11 pmHugs and good vibes winging your way — wishing you good luck and a smooth Thanksgiving holiday.
November 19th, 2007 at 6:13 pmI’ve been by several times, searching for words to say. Your generous and unconditional love and support for your girls will matter far more in the long run than anything negative that has happened to them. And, I agree with all the kind things others have already posted.
November 19th, 2007 at 10:22 pmMy marriage has been troubled for awhile now. And I at times get snippy with my son due to my frustration with his father. I need to stop doing that. Like you said, my son is innocent. Thanks for that reminder. I’ve been needing it.
November 19th, 2007 at 11:56 pmAwwww, friend. I am so here for you. So so so here. And I am so grateful for your honesty and accountability and for getting down to what clings to life with those girls.
November 20th, 2007 at 1:21 amI’m totally guilty of this mistake too at times. (Ok, both mistakes.)
Stay strong!
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