February 16, 2008
traveling heart
i’m in tucson arizona this week visiting my parents in their 55+ mobile home park. i’ve often declared my refusal to travel anywhere with young children, and while the flight here somewhat proved my point, and the cranky transition to a different crib was rough for v, a few days in we’re actually getting some rest and having fun. this landscape is so vastly different than my green, watery, rainy, cloudy home that it feels somewhat like mars. mars with piped in latino music and pinata parties in brown grounded parks. everywhere brown and hills and cactus (“pactus” according to v).
transitions abound at home… so getting away, achieving a change in scenery seemed wise.. if only for the novelty factor. i’ve always craved novelty but lacked the adrenaline need to jump from planes (as some like) or race the bulls in pamplona. change of scene usually fits the bill, and if i can bring my children along (where their fun with grandparents means i get time to myself), then i forestall that weird displaced homesickness i suffer from when i travel without them.
as it turns out, one can be quite a gypsy spirit and still be mother to three young children. this is something it took quite awhile for me to come to terms with. despite my sassy mommy lingo, i felt weird fighting wanderlust when they needed me so much at home.
they’re getting older now. older! finally! they can keep themselves entertained and even slightly fed (if necessary) and only one left in diapers. as i approach 40, 40 40 40 40 40 40!!!, i have some time to consider my options. will i travel to london? go with michelle to a spa? go on a solo retreat to a beach somewhere? will this pit of dread leave once the day and the age has finally been achieved?
for now, things in my life are stable. the children are happy. i’m getting moreso. the larger questions that have plagued me for so long sit in a sort of hibernation.. until my brain and spirit get clearer and stronger. i still have little to no understanding about what makes a relationship, a marriage, happy. but perhaps i’m not one of those who comes to these things by anything but the long way. i dream that someday i might be kissed by that particular bird of happiness. until then, i have a way of life that is good enough.. happy enough for me.
last week, i had the good fortune to visit my sweet college friend and her beautiful family in rhode island. here is a picture of a marriage that works… and i of course observed it closely… like an anthropologist… or an arctic explorer… or someone who hasn’t a clue.
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I’m jealous of your ability to travel. I’d love to be able to just take the kids and go sometimes. Damn work!!
February 16th, 2008 at 7:35 pmI hope you have a wonderful week!
February 16th, 2008 at 11:27 pmThere is no other way to these realizations but the long way.
February 17th, 2008 at 12:15 amGlad you got away with the kids, as well as alone to your buddies in RI.
February 17th, 2008 at 11:38 amAnd I agree with Paige.
Wanderlust can be genetic. Your kids might enjoy the get up and go spirit as much as you do as they grow.
February 17th, 2008 at 4:43 pmGlad you are having fun!!! 40′s not so bad once you get there – you realize you are only ONE DAY older than you were when you went to sleep. Miss ya!! Lets catch up soon.
February 17th, 2008 at 7:09 pmFellow wanderlust gypsy here. We indulged extensively until kids, and have curtailed to nearly nothing for the last six years. Now the kids can make their own sandwiches so I declare them independent enough. We’ve begun traveling again. Some with them, some without. It’s a good thing, it is.
There’s some saying about appreciating the autumn harvest better when you do the work to sow in the spring. It seems apt here somehow.
I’m glad you’re getting a bit of a good harvest.
February 18th, 2008 at 9:43 pmI agree with Paige. The only way to get it, is to live it. Crap. I’m just figuring it out too, but I join you in your song of ‘older! older! older!’ and feel happy.
I also wanted to say that in my rather long and spotty absence from the blogisphere, blogworld, blogoid, whatever, your words stuck with me, your solidarity made sense to me. And your reinvention of your post-mama blog finally worked its way into my psyche and I copied you.
I needed to leave the stuntmother behind and make myself whole again — person, not role.
I’m glad you’re here, walking the walk.
February 19th, 2008 at 5:57 pmWanderlust.
May you pass that onto your children, as I’m certain you’ll pass along so many other amazing traits.
February 21st, 2008 at 2:08 pmabout what makes a relationship, a marriage, happy
February 21st, 2008 at 4:00 pmIsn’t it meeting the right person first and foremost? you can work on a marriage all you like but if you are not right for each other in the first place a marriage cannot work.